I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
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I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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