Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And then my night got REAL pukey
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Why can't burritos get me drunk
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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