I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
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Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
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This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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