she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
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I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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