Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize