He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
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There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
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i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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