Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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