Your mouth is God's brothel.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
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I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
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The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
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