He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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