You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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