I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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