LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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