Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Randomize