he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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