I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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