i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
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woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
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It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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