If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize