Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize