Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
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I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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