Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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