i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
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Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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