yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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