I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
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You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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