please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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