What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize