It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
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still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
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The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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