you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
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Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
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she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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