i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
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Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
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I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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