she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
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How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
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But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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