all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
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If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
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No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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