apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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