Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
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Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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