girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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