It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize