We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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