I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
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