My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize