Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
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During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
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I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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