you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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