yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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