My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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