Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
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I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
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I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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