i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
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I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
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Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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