he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
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I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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