Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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