Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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