I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize