apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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