You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize