This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
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I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize