I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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