Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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